Jordan Rippy

That’s right, a snake. Kristin got a haircut today so I decided to run home and get some stuff from the house before I picked her up from the hair salon. When I pulled into the drive way, I was greeted by this guy:

I have no idea what kind of snake it is or whether it is poisonous or not. I knocked on my neighbor’s door to see if he had a shovel to chop its head off, but he wasn’t home. I waited for a bit because the slithery reptile was blocking my door. All I could think was, “I have got to get a picture of this for my blog readers.” That’s right. My first thought in the face of this cursed creature was of you, the reader. The snake slowly turned and began to slither away from the door. While his back was turned, I slipped behind him into our house. I quickly grabbed my camera, cracked the door to confirm his position and slipped back outside.

By this point, he was perusing my neighbor’s trash can and staring me down. All I know is between the frog and the snake I am beginning to feel a little like “The Crocodile Hunter” (R.I.P). However, unlike Steve Irwin, I opted not to pick the little guy up. I only wanted to get within about a shovel’s length from him in order to chop off his head. That was not possible since my neighbor was gone and I don’t have a shovel. The snake lives another day. I am heading out to Lowe’s tomorrow to pick up a shovel in case he returns. If so, I hope to post pictures and perhaps even video of his decapitation. You probably can’t tell from the smaller pictures, but he was about 4ft. long. Anyone know what kind of snake this is?

UPDATE:  After some extensive research on Google, I have determined that this snake is an Elaphe Guttata.  In other words, it’s a corn snake.  It is not poisonous.  

This weekend, Kristin and I took a little trip to Montgomery to see my family. I have not seen them since the wedding and since my sister is pregnant I really wanted to go for a visit. We decided to leave as soon as Kristin got off work on Friday. The trip to Montgomery usually takes right at seven hours, but…

Yup, flat tires. “Tires? I only see one flat tire.” Please allow me to take you through the twenty-four hour period that led to this infuriating experience. Thursday I decided that it would be necessary to get all new tires on my car before we left on Friday. We had already planned to get new tires this month as mine were extremely bald. I decide to take a little trip to the “tire professionals” at Wal-Mart. They change all four of my tires in a very timely manner and I am very pleased with both the tires and the price.

Fast forward only twenty-four hours. We’re on I-75 heading north toward Alabama when a guy pulls up to me and shouts, “I think your tire is going flat”. I have not yet felt or heard anything when suddenly the steering wheel began to shake as though the car were responding to the trucker’s claim. I pulled over and began to assess the situation. The tire was completely flat. I popped the trunk and began unscrewing my spare. I would like to interject at this point to say that whoever invented the “donut” spare tire is a moron. The donut can hardly even be considered a temporary fix. —Okay, back to the story. so I unscrew the spare and pull it out only to be horrified by the empty space under the tire where the jack is supposed to be. I have never had a flat in this car and had no idea that the jack was missing.

Enter nice (but clueless) cop. He pulls up and I explain that I have no jack and ask if I can borrow his. He gets into his trunk and hands me the jack and then says, “Give me a second and I’ll find the rest of it.” To which I reply, “This is all of it.” To which he then replies, “You think?” At this point I’m kind of wishing he would just drive away. So I use his jack to change the tire. The whole time he is making comments like, “Wow, I can’t believe that my jack works on your tires.” Trust me, I am no automotive genius but I do know that jacks and lug nuts…standard. Anyway, we get the tire changed and we’re on our way at a top speed of 45mph (the highest speed the high-quality donut can handle). What luck! A tire shop just off the ramp! They get my car up in no time and replace the tires. Tires you say? I though you only blew one. Well, when they got the car up they noticed several nails embedded into my other rear tire. Unrepairable. They were in the sidewalls. So, let’s just say that I spent more that night on two tire than I had less then twenty-four hours earlier on four.

Update: I went to Wal-Mart and they refunded me for the two rear tires!

Last Friday I saw my old friend and roommate, Reese. I had not seen him since about a year ago when we lived together in Edgewood apartments here in Lakeland (Reese moved to San Fransisco). Last time I saw Rees he got a haircut and said that he would not get another one until it was long enough to donate to locks for love. I thought that was extremely thoughtful, but knew there was know way he would outlast the “awkward phase” that accompanies growing out hair. However, when he pulled up (on his bike) I saw that his hair had indeed grown quite long over the last year. He has not even had a trim since I saw him last July.It’s one thing to have a friend that moves away who you stay in contact with. It’s another thing to sort of lose contact with a friend and then see them a year later. Reese and I sat outside at “The Palace” in downtown Lakeland, recapping what had happened over the last year. We had a great time and I was really glad to catch up. Friends are good.

Vira Bradley Purse: $85.00

One load of laundry: $2.50

Kristin doing laundry: Priceless.

If you haven’t already read my post entitled “TRENDY” click HERE to gain little perspective before reading any further.

Now, I realize that this post will most likely lead to endless ridicule from our friends and family, but I would like to take the opportunity to remind you that we all have “those days”. You knows the ones. The days when everything seems to go wrong but it eventually reaches a point where it’s no longer frustrating, it’s just funny. That was tonight.

Kristin and I headed up to “The Mat” to do more laundry than I would like to disclose. Let me just say that we hadn’t visited “The Mat” in two weeks and even then we only did our essentials so you can imagine the amount of laundry we had. Anyway, after filling our car with whites and darks we headed up to the laundry mat for an evening of fun. Somehow we managed to forget our detergent (again). We refused to pay “The Mat” prices again so we took a quick trip to a nearby Publix. We quickly grabbed the cheapest detergent we could find and headed back to the laundry mat. As we were loading our first of many double-loads, we were horrified to discover that we had actually purchased the cheapest bottle of fabric softener. We were still detergentless. So, once again we were forced to pay for the high-quality products provided by “The Mat”. At least this time we caught a bit of a break. Instead of paying $4.50 for a bottle of TREND, we spent a mere $4.00 on a bottle of top grade PUREX. The evening wasn’t a total loss. We did get our laundry done AND all of our new “Mat” friends were there, so Kristin got to hold her new little friend.

The Mat

Tonight, Kristin and I hit the town for a little dinner and a movie at Lakeside Village. When we got home, there was a large toad near our doorstep. This was not unusual. In fact, most nights there is a rather large frog that sits in the corner of our doorstep. He has never bothered us and we often comment about how comical it is that he sits in the same spot every evening. Anyway…Tonight I went upstairs to check my e-mail when suddenly I hear Kristin yelling from the living room. “There’s a frog in the house!” I casually get up from my chair and head down stairs where I expect to simply scoot the large toad out into the yard. Even Kristin is not on edge at this point. She says, “He’s under the couch, I’ll open the door and you scoot him out with the broom”. Not a problem. So I slide the broom toward him and he immediately evades my swipe by swiftly hopping over my broom, out from under the couch, and onto a side table. It was at this point that I knew I was not dealing with our friendly, over-sized toad. I am not an expert in amphibians, but I knew that this particular hop was far too fast for a yard toad.

I slowly moved toward the side table anticipating that the frogs next move would be yet another unpredictable hop. Only this time I feared that he would attach himself to my face, giving him the upper hand, and placing me in no position to negotiate. Anyway, as I approached the side table I saw him firmly attached to one of the legs. I recognized him as a large tree frog. Again, although I am not an expert in the character traits of amphibians, I am acutely aware of the swift movement of a tree frog. I immediately got my priorities in line. “Kristin! Quick! Grab my camera, and then get the Brita Water Pitcher out of the dishwasher.” After a few small advances toward the creature he jumped to the under side of the table. I considered lying on my back and trying to trap him, but I knew that placing the creature above me while lying on my back would again put me at a disadvantage and perhaps even cause the frog to attack me in the form of a jump on face.

After a several attempts to drive him toward the door I finally caught a break. The slimy creature attached himself to the wall and began to climb up. Apparently, he had become a bit too confident and fell from the wall where he landed on the edge of our Thomasville Entertainment Center. I knew that he was unsure of his next move. There was nowhere for him to go. I slowly approached, snapped a picture, and then dropped the Brita Water Pitcher on top of the frog. Immediately the intensity left the room. The situation was diffused. Actually, Kristin was just as angry or even more so because I asked her to take a picture of me and the captured animal. I’m sure all of you will appreciate that I took the time to document the whole event via photography. Enjoy.

The Frog. Perched on the furniture, just before his capture.


Stretchy. The frog behind the love seat.


Captured. I tried to make a serious face like a captor, but I just ended up looking mentally disturbed.

The hives have subsided.  I am relieved. 

THE CULPRIT

Apparently, I’m allergic to this antibiotic that actually proved to be anti-Jordan. It was prescribed for a throat infection about two weeks ago…I get strep throat about as easily as I get annoyed with slow drivers, but usually the Doctor prescribes a “Z-pack” which is steroids. This time my ENT opted for antibiotics…With that, I would like to say a “special thanks” to the nurse practitioner at Dr. Mierson’s office.

I know many of you are dying to see pictures of the welts. Unfortunately, that would compromise the family friendly nature of jordanrippy.com, due to the location of many of the welts…If you know what I mean…Too personal? Probably. But Benadryl knows no boundaries. Neither do hives.

I’ve got ‘em.   All over.  I’ve never had hives before.  I have had the chicken pox, but I was so young that I really don’t remember them.  There is a lot of discomfort involved in having hives.  It’s kind of like a game though,  because every time I wake up from a Benadryl-induced nap I find a new outbreak.  Most recently I have found welts around my eyes, under my arms, and on my hands!

I have no idea what caused the outbreak.  I’m not allergic to any foods that I know of.  It all started Saturday.  I felt a little itchy all over, but I didn’t really think much about it.  I got home from Sarasota late Saturday night and noticed five welts on my shoulder.  Even then I thought that perhaps a mosquito had just bitten me several times.  Then Sunday during church my legs really started itching…When I got home I changed out of my dress clothes and that’s when I noticed the welts all over my hips and legs…Home remedies anyone?

One thing I didn’t know about Kristin when we got married (two months ago today) is that she is very serious about her mail. Not male as in me, but mail as in letters brought by the postman. Now that I have realized how much she enjoys getting mail I like to make a big announcement when she gets a letter. So last night I walk in the door and pull an over-sized envelop from the stack of mail and say, “Oh what’s this? I wonder who this is for!?” Kristin runs excitedly from the kitchen…“For me? Is that for me?” “I don’t know.” I say as I pretend to open the envelop. “Let’s find out!” Kristin pretty much goes ballistic chasing me around the house and pleading with me to let her open it. We are both laughing and having a joyous time until suddenly the envelop slips from my hand and falls to the ground. “Now I’ve got it!” Kristin says, as she reaches for the letter…Just before she picks it up I decide to try and slide it away with my foot…I slam my foot down on top of the letter only to feel unbearable pain. The brad which sealed the letter had been pulled up and ruthlessly pierced the bottom of my foot. I lie there in sheer agony as Kristin opens the letter…It was an informational brochure on the Green Family Vacation. My foot bled profusely for about thirty seconds. It was terrible.


The Laceration. (My feet are dirty from going to get the mail bare foot.)

The Instrument of Pain.